What do I need?

I've spent a lot of time bleating about being unable to communicate my needs. I wonder if I even know what they are.
So I ask myself: What would make me feel better? Here is a list that I typed without thinking too much about it. I'm sure I need to articulate it all better, but here's a first go:

• Some kind of sign from my Father, meant for me and only me. A sign of love, a sign that all my doubts were stupid and false.  
• The ability to tell my Mother how angry I am, with him, with her, with myself and with the situation we had.  
• Finding a friend who has been through close to what I have. So that I know it's not such a cataclysm after all. Others go through it, others survive, and yes, it hurts like hell, all the time. And so that we cal tell each other the great secret: Sometimes I am not brave at all.