I want:

1. Two silk dresses with a digital prints of the sky. One of a day sky: blue with clouds. One of a night sky: Deep blue-purple with stars, stars, stars.

2. To be able to wear my ultra-pearl necklace. 8 strings of pearls (plastic, chinese, glossy.) In the office, they feel wrong. At home, they feel wrong. On a saturday walking through the market, they feel wrong. In a restaurant with my mum, they feel so right, I would never wear them there. I want to wear them!

3. To wear my nath.

4. To learn how to ride. I have wanted this for so long. I don't know why.

5. To make love all day and all night one day. Soon.

Fairy resting in the cold.

From here

Observed: Without changing anything at all except the background music, I've gone from crying helplessly to giggling uncontrollably to crying again to giggling again.
#GodisaDJ

I pick up the phone.

There's a beeping coming from the other end.

I think: There's a faulty connection, or it's my father's heart.

Either way, there's a problem.

What I want to say

Something great happened today.
Something awful happened today.
Kiss me, a lot, please and make them both go away for a while,
I'm tired.
Instead, we will say: What's for dinner. How are you. Cold out? Water's hot! Fancy a tea? Goodnight, darling.

A cliche, but so what:

Today I have kept dry eyes through:

The news that my father is ill and in hospital and not doing well,

The fact that this came 8 weeks before a major international conference that I'm helping to organize,

The fact that I have a major report to write which is behind schedule and

Listening to my mother's tearful and panicked voice on the phone.

But:

The fact that it has just started raining outside, after I've spent an hour straightening my hair with every heat-styling tool known to humankind, has made me burst into loud, passionate and completely juvenile-sounding tears.

One year!

18th February, 2011.

I haven't even started recovering.