Sometimes, everyone is irritating. Irritating. IRRITATING. Itch-between-your-toes-when-you've-got-gumboots-on Annoying.
Everyone (me included!) has Problems.
Everyone is 'struggling'. Or 'fighting a great battle'.
I get that.
What I don't get is what I am supposed to do.
Listen? Check. Empathise? Check. Advise, if asked to? Check. Shake person by shoulders and give them a kick up the arse? Check, if we have that sort of relationship.
Do all the above indefinitely? Check, if we have a deep and enduring sort of relationship.
I feel inadequate. But I have to admit that I can't actually do all of the above (or even a few, in isolation) for several people at once over extended periods.
Sometimes I go through good spells. Sometimes bad.
But there are some people I know who always seem to be down.
I developed my sense of self-preservation early, and I know that sadness sticks. Sometimes I come away from conversations with 'them' feeling... inexplicably down. Again and again. And unable to do anything to either help them, or register the slightest positive change in their countenance. I leave feeling irritated. At myself, for being so easily infected with their Morose. And with them, damn it. For being so one-sided in their interaction.
They feel blah.
They feel sad.
Life is awful. Difficult. Tough.
Yes, yes, I get it. But can we make it better? No? Ok. You want to forget about it for a while? No? Ok. You want to talk it out? No? You want me to leave you alone? No? You want me to tell you what's up with me? No? You want some perspective? You want to talk about why problems with bais or work or college or colleagues aren't as earth-shaking as, say, genocide, or war, or Iraq, or oil, or climate change, or whales, or starvation or food crises? No?
Okay, tell me what the fuck you want, damn it!
And admit it: you're annoyed with so many little things, so much, that you completely miss out the big picture. You're a little thing. In a vast picture. Colleagues, work, shoes, bais, they matter to your life, sure. But they're not worth missing out life for. And I'll be damned if you want me to miss out on mine to constantly keep you company as you miss out on yours.
*Big huffy puff.
Thanks folks, back to the sunshine.