There's a reason I don't fight the sadness I feel when I miss my cat.
And why I do when I anticipate loss in other areas of my life.
It was a pure relationship, with no opportunity for any of the shit that language brings: negativity, expectation, inference, guilt.
We learnt, without words, what the other needed and wanted, and whether we were the Being who could give it to them. We learnt how to give and take, how to share and when to leave the other alone. We learnt comfort and tough love. We learnt how to manage boundaries and expectations without any expectations. Without feeling or imposing any obligations or habits.
I don't even know what that would look like in a human relationship and if you asked me to explain, I couldn't. But I know, in a deep way, that I knew it with him.
I might sound like I'm idealising it - perhaps I am.
I might sound like I am tired of the complexity of human relationships and am retreating into a dream world where my cat and I just were. I am.
I miss him. So much.
And why I do when I anticipate loss in other areas of my life.
It was a pure relationship, with no opportunity for any of the shit that language brings: negativity, expectation, inference, guilt.
We learnt, without words, what the other needed and wanted, and whether we were the Being who could give it to them. We learnt how to give and take, how to share and when to leave the other alone. We learnt comfort and tough love. We learnt how to manage boundaries and expectations without any expectations. Without feeling or imposing any obligations or habits.
I don't even know what that would look like in a human relationship and if you asked me to explain, I couldn't. But I know, in a deep way, that I knew it with him.
I might sound like I'm idealising it - perhaps I am.
I might sound like I am tired of the complexity of human relationships and am retreating into a dream world where my cat and I just were. I am.
I miss him. So much.
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