An assumption:

If you change the thing that has defined a lot of who you are.

Or you stop letting it define you.

Your life will change for the better. It will be deeper, somehow more 'authentic'.

For me, the 'thing' that has shaped a lot of what I feel and how I do things is the fact that my Dad has been ill for close to 20 years.

This has crippled me in ways that still surprise me, and has given me some incredibly precious gifts too.

Now, holding on to those gifts, I want to let go of feeling, acting, seeing, reacting, thinking, through the lens of constant fear about what 'could' happen to my Dad, what it might 'mean' for me and the other people I love, and whether I will be able to cope with it.

I have absolutely no idea how to accomplish any of this of course, but here's to wanting to try.