Monday, 21 April 2008


Open/closed, arms open wide, wrapped in a selfhug. Flying, plummeting. Eyes open, eyes squeezed shut. Sexless, lustful. Contemplating Stockholm, running far and fast and still checking my email every ten minutes.
"Do something with your life that does not involve waiting."
Ouch. But only because it's true.

Excited. Sick and tired.
Smiling, sobbing.
Orgasmic. Numb.

We sit at the edge of your bed and I cradle your head against my shoulder, trying my best to communicate, through my arms, that in this one moment, you are totally warm, totally safe, totally connected to me. We rock gently back and forth and I am willing you to relax in my embrace. You do. And something inside me is inflamed with soft warmth.

Want to travel. Want to settle. I've found The One. No One is right for me.
Alone. Connected. In love. Isolated. Misunderstood. Dark. Alone. Illuminated. Ecstatic.

I want everything.
I want to stop wanting.

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