Calculate, on a scale of 1 to 10, Tara's mood on any given day,
1 is Dark, abyssal despair and
10 is cinnamon scented bliss,
using an as-yet-unknown function between
x = The amount of time, in minutes, spent doing her hair
y = The amount of time spent in impulse visits to the High Street
z = The amount of time spent staring vacantly at Blogger, Facebook, the Independent, or out the window, in the hope that something will happen, writing will magically appear or the PhD will fucking finish without my having to analyse my own data that I spent months collecting but can't fucking face.